The Sisterhood

July 30th, 2015
Donor Egg Sisterhood

It’s the special community of women who have endured the heartbreak of not having a genetic baby of their own. Like many women, I used to think that the “my own” part mattered the most.

But does the “my own” matter enough not to be a parent? It is an innate desire to reproduce in the way that God intended, and so many women I speak to question if they could love a donor egg child as much as if the child had been genetically theirs. 

Will they bond with the baby in utero?  Will they feel a connection?  Will they recognize their baby when the baby is born?

"The emotion is deeper than words are capable of describing."

I’ve come to embrace and love the women who have the courage to see beyond their own genetics. Yes, it hurts, and yes it’s hard to make the decision to move on. But, rest assured that there are many others who have walked the path before us, who have helped us to understand that the baby we produce can be loved beyond imagine, regardless of genetic background. Thankfully, there is IVF donor egg.

While I was considering using donor egg, I found myself “sizing” up nearly everyone I came across. I would think to myself, “Would she be a good donor?”, “I wonder how fertile she is?”, “How long did she try before she got pregnant?”, “Is she the right personality for me?” Now that my journey is complete, I no longer see every young lady I meet as someone who can help me in my desperation to have a child. I see young women who are mature beyond their years; who understand the life changing gift that egg donation is.  

My sisterhood has expanded to embrace a woman 20 years younger than I am, who gave me the gift of my family. While I will never meet her, she is my sister. She endured treatment I didn’t have to: the injections, the monitoring visits and the egg retrieval itself. And I prayed for her, and continue to pray, that she would always have peace about her decision. Sometimes, I wonder if she thinks about me and the miracle with which she blessed me. I am confident that if she could see me now, any doubts about having donated would pass, because her gift has, in turn, blessed me with children who bring me the deepest joy.

So, today I toast my sisterhood of women who have used a donor’s egg to have a baby. No one will quite understand what we share in common, if they haven’t gone through the process. The emotion is deeper than words are capable of describing. No matter where you are in your journey, there are thousands of us out there telling you that genetics are not as important as the baby you will call your own. You are not alone. The sisterhood gets stronger by the day, and I hope you will feel its embrace and the enduring gift we have received because of a younger sister who cared.

About The Author

Heidi Hayes

Heidi Hayes is the CEO of Donor Egg Bank, USA. She has more than 20 years of healthcare experience, having worked in the fields of pain management, physical therapy, dialysis and reproductive endocrinology. In addition to her understanding of the business of assisted reproductive therapies, she has personally experienced it. Heidi and her husband are the parents of three children and have built their family through adoption and donor egg treatment.

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