No one expects that they will not be able to have the children they have always dreamed of. My wife and I certainly didn't.
But then we found ourselves in that strange place of wanting to have a baby, but not being able to get pregnant. After trying on our own for a period of time, we knew we needed help.
We consulted with a local fertility specialist at Boston IVF. With our doctor's recommendation, we tried medications and IUI's (intrauterine insemination). Even though we tried for a while, we were not successful.
It was an emotional roller coaster because every time something did not work, we felt lost and uncertain about ever having a family. It was difficult to watch each other go through the process, knowing how much it meant to the both of us. We focused on always trying to be there for each other, and hoped there were still options to pursue.
After taking a break from treatment and consulting again with our doctor at Boston IVF, we decided to move forward with IVF (in vitro fertilization). We were nervous and scared, but hopeful for a successful outcome.
Our doctor did a great job preparing us, explaining what would happen, and what we should expect. We also discussed what would happen if this did not work, and the topic of using an egg donor or pursuing adoption was part of that conversation.
We had always considered adoption, but the idea of using an egg donor was new and foreign. We did not give it much consideration, since we were putting full faith in the IVF process.
Two failed IVF cycles later, we were emotionally drained and out of options. We had never thought this would be the outcome of all of our efforts.
A third IVF cycle was an option, but the doctor did not expect the outcome to be any different. We could feel nothing but loss and disappointment. There seemed to be nothing left to try. It was a terrible feeling .
My wife and I took yet another break from treatment, and we did not discuss adoption or egg donors for awhile. There is a grieving process that happens when all options have been exhausted, and we needed time to get back on track emotionally.
We both wanted to experience pregnancy after everything that we had been through, and decided to pursue the egg donor route.
We visited our doctor to learn more about the frozen egg donor process, and to see if this was something that would work for us.
After learning more, we decided to move ahead with frozen donor egg. We selected a donor through Donor Egg Bank USA, and got the process started. With new hope in our hearts, we felt excited about moving forward.
After the embryo transfer, we found out that we were pregnant with twins. Unfortunately, later in the first trimester, we lost one of our babies. We were devastated and felt guilty about feeling this way. On one hand, we had a healthy baby developing, yet we were still mourning the loss of our other baby.
The pregnancy was an amazing experience I will never forget. Our sweet daughter Grace was born in August 2013. She is an amazing little person and is truly the most beautiful gift anyone could ever hope for. We are so blessed she has joined our family, and we love her more than anything. She teaches us new things everyday and keeps us on our toes.
Being older parents and going through what we endured has made us realize that life is a precious miracle. Grace has taught us to love in a way that we never knew existed.
Our journey was not easy, as we encountered many obstacles along the way. There were highs and many lows, but we always believed. Today, we have a beautiful baby girl because of the help of the good people at Boston IVF and Donor Egg Bank USA.
There are many people like us who are still hoping for a child of their own. Sharing our story is our way of letting you know that there is hope and that you are not alone.
Ray and Wendy