Will I Regret Using Donor Eggs? (Answer: Absolutely Not!)

January 11th, 2021
Blog

What happens when your pregnancy test finally smiles back at you, and you receive the positive results you’ve been hoping for?

If you use donor eggs to conceive, are you afraid you’ll regret your decision to use them afterwards?

It’s easy to see why someone might fear the unknown when using an egg donor. Thankfully, the benefits of egg donation far outweigh any potential feelings of doubt and uncertainty you initially might have.

There are many great reasons why regret should be the last thing on your mind after you conceive with donor eggs.

The Most Common Fears About Using Donor Eggs

Once you’ve made the choice to move forward with a frozen donor egg cycle, it’s not unusual for doubt to begin slipping into your mind. If this happens, please keep this in mind: you’re not alone.

While anxiety over using donor eggs can feel unsettling, you might be surprised to learn that it’s not an uncommon experience for donor egg parents.

In fact, many parents undergoing the donor egg cycle process all face similar fears and “what ifs,” including:

  • What if my baby doesn’t look like me?
  • What if I can’t get over the lack of a genetic connection to my child?
  • What if I can’t bond with my baby?
  • What if my child doesn’t see me as their parent?
  • What if my family rejects my child?
  • What if I can’t decide if I want to tell my child they were conceived using donor egg?
  • What if I can’t afford the process?

Whether you’re facing just one of these fears or all of them, the mental strain can be enough to make you consider feeling regret over your decision.

Luckily, there are simple responses to all these concerns to help ease your worries about choosing to use donor eggs.

What if My Baby Doesn’t Look Like Me?

Let’s start simple—many intended parents are concerned that a baby born through egg donation won’t look like them. However, there are many times when ‘naturally-conceived’ children don’t look like their parents, either!

If you and your partner both have brown hair and green eyes, there’s no rule stating that - if you’d gotten pregnant on your own - you might not end up with a child who has blonde hair and blue eyes regardless.

Genetics are a roll of the dice. At the end of the day, there’s no way of knowing how DNA will express itself.

However, when choosing an egg donor, it’s possible to find someone who has a similar appearance or features to yourself that can help ease this concern.

What if I Don’t Feel (Genetically) Connected to My Baby?

One of the most significant concerns prospective parents feel about choosing egg donation is if they’ll regret not having a genetic connection to their child.

First and foremost, the bond between a parent and child is about a great deal more than genetics. Whether you share the same DNA with your child or not, you can still forge an unbreakable bond with your little one.

To help ease your concerns about lacking a genetic relationship, many intended parents find comfort in the connection between epigenetics and egg donation.

While you might not contribute to your child’s initial DNA strain, the study of epigenetics has shown a person’s choices throughout pregnancy can impact the genetic expression of their baby. Following good habits like eating a healthy diet and exercising can positively affect your little one’s DNA.

What if My Child Doesn’t View Me as Their Parent?

When it comes to having and raising children, it’s essential to remember this: most of your work happens after they’ve been born. Carrying your child and delivering them is only a blip in the scope of their lives.

From the moment your little one comes into the world; you’ll be their parent.

They’ll have no connection to their egg donor, and you alone - or with your partner - will be the one raising them.

Just as it’s inevitable you’ll bond with your baby and feel a deep connection to them, it’s just as likely they’ll feel the same emotional attachment to you.

What if I Can’t Decide What to Tell Other People (or My Child) About Using an Egg Donor?

Your reproduction – just like everyone else’s - is nobody’s business but your own. When you get pregnant, no one will ask how it happened. They’ll be wondering about details like gender, due dates, and name ideas.

It’s up to you to decide if you want to share your donor egg story with other people.

You have no responsibility to tell anyone that you chose donor eggs if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, especially if you fear it will cause a disconnect between you and your child or your family.

Where your little one is concerned, the same rules apply. There’s no reason you must tell them anything about their origin story, other than the fact their parents love them very much and wanted to have a baby.

However, it’s worth noting that it may be beneficial to share more information with your child as they grow older, for medical or emotional purposes.

When your child is visiting doctors, their physicians will need to know background information about their medical history. This isn’t an area you want to lie about, as it could play a significant role in the treatment and precautions your child needs to take throughout their lives.

As well, for your child’s wellbeing and emotional health, it may be best to ensure there are no hidden skeletons in the closet that could be a surprise later in life.

Telling your child about their donor egg conception in an age-appropriate manner over the course of their childhood is often considered the healthiest route to follow, if possible. Keeping a donor-conceived child’s conception a secret from him or her often causes hurt when the truth is unintentionally revealed, such as via a 23andMe genetic test.

What if the Process Doesn’t Work and I’ve Wasted Money on Donor Eggs?

At Donor Egg Bank USA, we believe every individual who dreams of having a child deserves the chance to do so. For this reason, we work hard to help them achieve their goal of becoming a parent.

Often, we see potential parents who are interested in the process but are concerned about the financial burden egg donation may cause to their families, especially if their cycle is unsuccessful.

Fortunately, frozen donor eggs cost significant less than other fertility treatment options, and we’re here to help you meet your fertility needs. In fact, we offer various financial plans to make the process feasible for all families.

For example, with our Assured Refund Plan, you can try six different times to have a baby with egg donation. If you’re not successful after six cycles, you’ll receive all your money back.

Find the Support You Need Throughout Your Donor Egg Process

As with anything in life, there are pros and cons to every situation. It’s not surprising prospective parents might feel unsure about their decision to use an egg donor.

Keep in mind how much you long to have a child and remain focused on your efforts to achieve that goal. Remember to find the right emotional support to help you throughout your donor egg journey and beyond.

Don’t Let the Fear of Regret Stop Your Dreams from Coming True

…I had many emotions. It was hard to give up on the idea of a genetic connection with my children. I worried about how my children would feel about it, I worried how I would feel about it, I worried about the problems that might arise as my children grew up and had questions.

I finally decided all of that was less important than having a family.”   - Anonymous

Our team at Donor Egg Bank USA has helped so many individuals build the families they’ve been longing for. Don’t feel shame for having fears about the process. But more importantly, don’t allow those fears to get in the way of having your child.

Our happy families (like the parent quoted above) have experienced the parenting journeys they deserve thanks to frozen donor eggs—without regret for how those families came to be.

Donor eggs might not be your ‘dream’ conception experience, but they could be the light at the end of the tunnel that you absolutely deserve.

If you’d like to learn more about how our team can help you during your donor egg cycle experience, contact Donor Egg Bank USA today to speak with one of our friendly representatives.

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